THE KNOB

My favorite joke of all time…

A lady in her late 40’s went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. Thedoctor told her of a new procedure called “The Knob.”

This small knob is planted on the back of a woman’s head and can be turnedto tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon with 2 problems: “All these years everything had been working just fine. I’ve had to turn theknob on lots of occasions and I’ve loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems. First of all, I’ve got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She replied, “Well, I guess that explains the goatee.”

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD

interesting news from singapore…

despite the recession and the 9-11 attacks, singaporeans spent $ 8 billion eating out last year, 1.8 billion meals prepared by the local cooks from over 18,000 food outlets – translated, each person in the island spent $ 2,000 buying food from mostly turo-turo stores. parang kami ni jet, hanggang ngayon take out pa rin dahil wala kaming kasangkapan sa pagluto… hehehe. mahilig talagang kumain ang nga taga rito – at masarap naman ang tsibog, ang ganda ng variety at ang bilis lutuin – malay, indian, chinese, western, thailand, indonesian, japanese, etc. etc. considering that the island is smaller than quezon city – $8B of take out is really huge. kaya pala naka BMW ang mga may-ari ng turo-turo dito.

malaysia wants to renegotiate its deal of supplying water to singapore… at the moment, all our water comes from mainland malaysia. singapore currently pays 3 cents per 100 gallons on a contract that extends till 2061. the malaysians want singapore to pay 60 cents per 100 gallons… and some malaysians are calling their government to shut down the gripo, if singapore does not negotiate. abangan…

taiwanese lady government official, chu mei-feng, caught having sex on film with her married boyfriend (45 minutes of video) is having a series of 9 concerts in singapore. but promotors will lose their $10,000 government bond if any portion of the concert relates to the sex video.

america performs in singapore! wow! naalala ko tuloy si alferez.

"BOKNOY'S TRANSLATION"

“Pagkatapos ng kung ano-ano ay nagdatingan ang kung sino-sino!”

Boknoy’s translation:
“After the what-what came the who-who!”

MR. SISON, MAPUA's LEGENDARY INSTRUCTOR

Humahaba nang listahan ng mga antics ng Beloved Professor Natin sa MIT na si Mr. Sison…para siyang si John Nash, ang bida ng “A Beautiful Mind”. Baka may alam pa kayo, dag-dag lang…

1. naglalakad sa corridor na may hila-hilang chalk box na parang laruang kotse

2. paatras maglakad pag pababa sa hagdan dahil baka raw may tululak sa kanya

3. tagilid parati ang parking ng volkswagen beetle nya

4. nagatatago sa ilalim ng lamesa para kunyari walang teacher…pag-tagal siyempre aalis na yung mga studyante, bigla syang lalabas at sisigaw ng: “hahaha nandito ako!”

5. iba ang tinuturo nyang style ng math at kapag subject niya ay pre-requisite ng isang subject, lagot ka.

6. puro sulat ng chalk ang polo barong

7. parating nagsasalitang mag-isa

8. Naninigarillo na nakalabas ang ulo sa bintana dahil no smoking sa loob ng classroom.

9. Nag susulat sa black board pero lumalagpas hangang sa pader.

10.Naging substitute teacher namin siya sa isang subject (physics ata..): at yung unang araw ay inihagis yung bote nang coke na nakalapag sa table sa harap nang klase kasi napakaingay namin nuong pumasok siya. Siempre tahimik lahat.. Tapos iniwan pa yung mga basag na bote pagkatapos nang klase, hindi man lang nilinis. Ginawa ba ni john Nash iyon?

11.nagdi-discuss yung mga babae sa front row biglang sinampal yung isa sabay sigaw ” Hindi ako putatero! kung gusto nyong mag-puta dun kayo sa Ermita!”.. hagulgol yung babae (matalino pa naman)… ang sama

12.yung grading system nya: kung ilan ang ekis mo, yun ang tama mo.
6 ekis = overpass
5 ekis = pass
4 ekis = underpass
3 ekis = salonpass(sabay tawa na ala Romy Diaz)

13.siya daw si Mel Mathay, head ng MMDA. yung pinakamatalino sa klase, head ng metro aide.

14.sa kanya namin binibigay yung test papers namin na sagot lang ang dapat nakalagay – pag me solution, male. kasi unique yung test ng bawat isa, me row #, seat # & even/odd # na variables. sa umaga yung test, sa gabi mo pa ipapasa – sa hirap…

15. nag-init ng panis na ulam sa Social Science Faculty, takbuhan palabas yung mga profs, hehe