January 11, 2004

how fragile life is. isang araw you’re at the top of the world and the next you’re fighting for your life. parang randomly, we’re chosen to live or die. the thought scares me. i do not want to be the victim of a god playing dice with the collective fate of humanity. then again, perhaps there is no gambling god. who knows, baka we’re just acting up some bad script in some great big movie set in the sky. o kaya, no one up there’s taking charge.

sa pagkamatay ng kaibigan ko, heto na naman akong nagtatanong: is there or isn’t there? i will make a confession: i’ve been an agnostic for a long time now. well, give or take a basic truth or two, sort of an agnostic catholic, if there is such an oxymoronic person.

para sa akin, ang pinakaimportante ay to do the right thing. ang goal ko sa buhay ay simple lang: to be the best person i can be at tumulong sa pinakamaraming tao na bahagi ng mundo ko. when the time comes for me to go, kung mayrong ngang diyos, i will be able to look god in the eye and say to him (or her) that i did not fuck up.

siyempre, itatanong ko rin sa diyos kung bakit milyon-milyon ang namamatay sa africa, kung bakit tanga sa pag-ibig si kris aquino at kung bakit walang snow sa pilipinas.

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